HULK EXPLAIN WHY CHARLIE SHEEN PULL BIGGER HEIST THAN ONE IN OCEAN’S 11

March 8, 2011

THIS MAY SOUND ODD, BUT CHARLIE SHEEN NOT NEARLY AS INSANE AS YOU THINK.

REALLY?

YOU SAY “BUT HULK! HE TALKING RAVING NONSENSE! HE PISS AWAY MILLIONS OF FUTURE EARNINGS! HE HAVING COCAINE BINGE WITH PORNSTARS! HOW HE NOT INSANE HULK!?!?”

YES, THIS ALL TRUE. BUT WHAT YOU SAY IF HULK SUGGESTED THAT LOT OF SHEEN’S BEHAVIOR LARGELY CALCULATED? NOT THE ACTUAL WORDS OF RAVINGS, OR SPECIFICS OF PARTYING. NO, THIS NOT A WRITTEN PLOT. THIS NOT AN ELABORATE RUSE. THIS STUFF REALLY WHAT CHARLIE SHEEN WANT BE DOING AND THIS COMING FROM REAL PLACE.

HULK JUST THINK HE MAKING VERY SPECIFIC DECISION TO COME OUT WITH THIS INNER RIDICULOUSNESS (WHICH ALWAYS BE THERE) AND BE LIVING VERSION OF RON BURGUNDY.

WHAT HULK SAYING = THIS NOT A OUT-OF-CONTROL “MELTDOWN” BUT VERY CONTROLLED/FUN COMING OUT PARTY OF GUY WHO, WELL, JUST WANT TO QUIT WORK AND PARTY.

WHY WOULD SHEEN HAVE SOMETHING TO PARTY ABOUT ALL OF SUDDEN? WELL, IF YOU CONSIDER SHEEN’S HISTORY, HE JUST PULL OFF BIGGER HEIST THAT THE ONE IN OCEAN’S 11.

HULK CAN PROVE IT.

GO AND WATCH THE WORK IN CHARLIE SHEEN’S CAREER. WATCH WALL STREET AND PLATOON. SHEEN SHOW HE A YOUNG KID WITH BROODING INTENSITY. TRUE THERE THERE NOT LOT RANGE THERE, BUT IT PLAYED STRAIGHT AND IT PLAYED WELL. THEN WATCH THE “HOT SHOTS” MOVIES, WHERE PLAY THE SAME STRAIGHT-FACED MODE BUT IN CONTEXT IT CAME OFF FOR GREAT LAUGHS. IT CALLED BEING DEAD-PAN AND SHEEN GOT IT. GO WATCH HIS GREAT DRUGGED OUT SCENE IN “FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF” AND IT WORK EVEN BETTER. WATCH THE FIRST TWO MAJOR LEAGUES. WATCH “EIGHT MEN OUT.” WATCH HIS GREAT SCENE IN “BEING JOHN MALKOVICH.” ALL WATCHED UP?

YOU NO HAVE WATCH THIS THOUGH

YOUR FIRST REACTION, “WOW CHARLIE SHEEN BEEN IN LOTS OF GOOD OR DECENT MOVIES.”

YOUR SECOND REACTION, “WOW CHARLIE SHEEN ACTUALLY PRETTY KINDA GOOD IN LOTS OF THOSE MOVIES.”

YOUR THIRD REACTION “NO MATTER WHAT CONTEXT, CHARLIE SHEEN GIVING SAME DELIVERY/PERFORMANCE EVERY TIME.”

HULK ARGUE THAT WIDE-EYED STRAIGHT FORWARD SERIOUSNESS = CHARLIE SHEEN’S ONLY ACTING MODE.  THIS NOT MEANT BE INSULT. AT ALL. LOTS OF ACTORS HAVE ONE “MODE.” HECK. HULK KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT TO EVEN HAVE ONE “MODE.” WHAT HULK SAY = SHEEN’S CHARACTER IN WALL STREET THE EXACT SAME CHARACTER FOR HOT SHOTS. AND THE SAME MODE AS PLATOON. HE DONE IT HIS WHOLE CAREER AND IT REASONABLY EFFECTIVE IN BOTH DRAMA/COMEDY.

NOW WATCH SHEEN IN “TWO AND A HALF MEN.”

NOTICE ANYTHING? YUP… NOT ONLY WHAT HE DOING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM HIS “ACTING MODE,” BUT IT NOT REALLY ACTING AT ALL. THERE NO DELIVERY. THERE NO INFLECTION. IT LAZIER THAN LAZY. HE JUST SMIRKING THE ENTIRE WAY THROUGH.

SERIOUSLY. HE DO IT IN NEARLY EVERY SINGLE MOMENT OF SHOW. AUDIENCE NEVER GET ONE OF THOSE GREAT STRAIGHT-FACED, WAY-SERIOUS LINE DELIVERIES THAT GIVE HIM COMEDY CAREER. YOU MAY SAY “HULK, BUT THAT NOT APPROPRIATE FOR SHOW!” HULK DISAGREE. EVERY TIME HULK CATCH SNIPPET OF SHOW, THE “USUAL SHEEN DELIVERY” OF OVERT SERIOUSNESS WOULD IMPROVE COMEDY OF GIVEN LINE TEN FOLD.

NOPE. CHARLIE SHEEN ONLY HAVE THE “MONA LISA SMILE” THE WHOLE TIME.

IT KINDA LIKE THIS... YEAH HE NOT UP TO SOMETHING

THAT CAUSE UP TIL NOW, HE ONLY ONE IN ON JOKE.

AND IT A PRETTY GOOD JOKE: CHARLIE SHEEN HAS EARNED OVER 150 MILLION FROM “TWO AND A HALF MEN” AND HAS NEVER TRIED FOR ONE SECOND.

THINK ABOUT IT. IMAGINE SHOWING UP A FEW DAYS A WEEK. NOT TRYING. DOING YOUR ABSOLUTE WORST JOB. REAPING BENEFITS OF SUCCESS. AND EARNING 150 MILLION FOR YOUR WORST EFFORT.  IT AMAZING THIS CHARADE LAST AS LONG AS DID.

AND HONESTLY, SHEEN PRESUMABLY TAKE JOB BECAUSE OF MONEY IN FIRST PLACE. WITH SITCOM, NEVER KNOW IF IT BE SUCCESS, BUT IF IT HIT, THEN THE SKY THE LIMIT. IT FAIR TO SAY SHEEN NEVER REALLY BELIEVE OR TAKE PRIDE IN SHOW (THAT DEFINITELY CLEAR NOW). HE JUST KEEP SHOWING UP AND NOT BELIEVE HIS DUMB LUCK.

HULK NOT TRYING CRITICIZE AUDIENCE OF TWO AND HALF MEN. NOT AT ALL. THE SHOW FIGURE OUT HOW MIX LOT OF DIFFERENT AUDIENCES AND THAT BE COMMENDED IN SOME WAY. IT JUST NOT HULK’S CUP OF TEA AND THAT FINE. BUT HULK DEFINITELY FEEL COMFORTABLE SAY THAT SHEEN HIMSELF COAST BY ON MEDIOCRITY. AT LEAST JON CRYER, MELANIE LYNSKEY, AND OTHER ACTORS SEEM BE TRYING AND THAT SEEM BE BACKBONE OF SHOW. EVEN IN “SPIN CITY” HE SEEMED HAVE MORE INTERE3ST.

BUT FOR THIS SHOW? SHEEN JUST SIT THERE. BARELY INFLECTING. SMIRKING WHOLE TIME.

AND SO CHARLIE SHEEN BEEN CASHING CHECKS FOR 8 YEARS WAITING TIL THE GIG FINALLY FLAME OUT. OR UNTIL HE HAVE TRUE “F-U MONEY” AS CHUCK KLOSTERMAN PUT IT. AND THEN?

CHARLIE CAN DO ANYTHING HE WANT NOW.

AND HE SEEM TO BE ENJOYING THAT “ANYTHING”

THE SPECIFICS OF STUFF HE DOING SEEM BE BIG TOPIC OF DISCUSSION. AFTER ALL, A LOT OF IT PRETTY ENTERTAINING. IT CERTAINLY RATHER QUOTABLE. AND LOTS OF OTHER OUTLETS BEEN WRITING ABOUT HIS POSSIBLE PSYCHOLOGY AT MOMENT AND DOING MUCH BETTER JOB THAN HULK COULD. REALLY, HULK JUST WANTED CONTRIBUTE TWO THOUGHTS TO CONVERSATION. 1) IT NOT A MELTDOWN. AND 2) NO ONE SEEMING TO TALK ABOUT THE CELEBRATION OF HIS “WIN.” SERIOUSLY, WHY ELSE WOULD SHEEN BE BURNING BRIDGES LIKE IT HIS JOB. ESPECIALLY AS SHEEN’S RECENT BEHAVIOR TOTALLY LIKE THAT OF A “GETAWAY.” (NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THIS)

SO SHEEN HAVING CRAZY IRRESPONSIBLE FUN. HE MESSING WITH US. HE TALKING NONSENSE. HE PARTYING. YOU THINK OTHER HOLLYWOOD STARS NOT PARTY LIKE THAT? YOU BE SURPRISED. WAY MORE DO THAN JUST IN TABLOIDS. (THO BE FAIR, THE OTHER HALF LEAVE SURPRISINGLY NORMAL LIVES).

BECAUSE THING IS CHARLIE SHEEN BEEN PARTYING LIKE THIS SINCE HE, WHAT, 16? AND IN THAT TIME IT RARELY AFFECT HIS “WORK.” HE JUST HAVE A PROJECT WHERE HE INTERESTED AND TRYING… OR HE HAVE PROJECT HE NOT CARING ABOUT.

THAT IT.

THIS NOT A MELTDOWN.

IT THE AMUSING AFTERMATH OF A GUY WHO PULL A 150 MILLION DOLLAR HEIST.

YUP

*FINAL NOTE: HULK NOT ENDORSING ALL THINGS SHEEN. NOT BY LONG SHOT. E.G. HULK DEFINITELY NOT ON BOARD WITH THE 9/11 TRUTHER NONSENSE. AND THERE BEEN LOTS OF RUMBLINGS OF OTHER SORDID THINGS, BUT THAT STUFF NOT EXACTLY PART OF CURRENT CONVERSATION (AT LEAST NOT HULK’S NARRATIVE OF SITUATION)… SO… YEAH

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3 Responses to “HULK EXPLAIN WHY CHARLIE SHEEN PULL BIGGER HEIST THAN ONE IN OCEAN’S 11”

  1. 4ndyman said

    Nice post, Hulk. Have you heard the ridiculous, mock-outrage cries that “He’s losing $2 million an episode because of all this!”? Ridiculous, no? What they mean to say is that he won’t be making $2 million an episode anymore. Neither will I, but you don’t see them outraged at me!

    I think you hit the nail on the head with the idea that he now has F-U money. Now he’s just saying F-U to us all.

  2. So he went on his speaking tour and people freaked out when he got up there and didn’t do anything. Who’s the dumb ass in that situation? But it seems like that was the bookend. Love your blog Hulk. Doc Samson suggest it?

  3. [...] CHARLIE SHEEN PULLED A BIGGER HEIST THAN THE ONE IN OCEAN’S [...]

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