THANKS UNIVERSE, NOW HULK REPULSED BY STAR WARS

May 4, 2011

LET GET THIS OUT OF WAY, HULK ONCE THE BIGGEST STAR WARS FAN EVER.

HULK GREW UP ON THE MOVIES. CHERISHED EVERY VIEWING. HULK PLAYED EVERY GAME, KNEW EVERY NAME OF SHIP, THEIR CLASS, AND DESIGNER. HULK KNEW EVERY BLASTER, CITY, PLANET, AND SYSTEM. YOU NAME IT, HULK KNEW IT. HULK PLAYED X-WING. TIE FIGHTER. X-WING VS. TIE FIGHTER. ALL THE REBEL ASSAULTS. EVERY DARK FORCES/JEDI KNIGHT. THE TERRIBLE MOVIE TIE-IN GAMES, THE LEGO SERIES. HULK EVEN READ BIG CHUNKS OF EXTENDED UNIVERSE (BUT RARELY ENJOYED). TO BOOT, HULK HAVE EXCELLENT LONG TERM MEMORY AND JUST AS HULK REMEMBER LOTS OF THIS USELESS DATA, IE HULK CAN RECITE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BOSSK’S STANDARD RIFLE AND HIS CONCUSSION RIFLE FROM THE GAMES… YUP, IT THAT NERDY.

MORE IMPORTANTLY, IT ONE OF THOSE THINGS THAT BOND HULK WITH FATHER, BROTHER, AND FRIENDS AT SCHOOL. THERE BLOOD TIES TO THIS THING.

BUT NOW… HULK DONE.

IT TOOK A LOT FOR THIS HAPPEN: THREE ATROCIOUS PREQUEL MOVIES, WHICH HULK FIRST ATTEMPTED TO DEFEND OUT OF SOME KIND OF MOROSE SENSE OF HONOR. IT TAKE HUNDREDS OF ANGRY, ANGRY FANS GIVING HULK CRAP WHEN HULK TRY BRING UP EVEN THE SLIGHTEST NITPICK, FANS WHO NO UNDERSTAND A SINGLE CINEMATIC COMPONENT OF ANYTHING. IT TAKE TIME AND PERSPECTIVE. IT TAKE MATURATION. IT TAKE SOME ASSHOLE STEALING HULK’S 70’S/80’S ERA STAR WARS TOYS FROM THE HOUSE. IT TOOK THE LUCAS LICENSING FIRM TO GO FROM JUST BEING OPPORTUNISTIC TO OUTRIGHT GLUTTONOUS. IT TOOK THE WELL-CRAFTED PIONEERING NATURE OF LUCASARTS GAMING BECOME A RUSHED-PRODUCTION NIGHTMARE OF HALF-THOUGHT-OUT SHIT PILES. IT TOOK TERRIBLE TV SERIES, THREE FAMILY GUY PARODIES, THREE ROBOT CHICKEN PARODIES,  AND APPROXIMATELY 40,000 INTERNET VIDEOS WHICH SHARE THE OCCASIONAL WELL-OBSERVED. BUT MOSTLY THE VIDEOS OPERATE AS SOME KIND OF NONSENSICAL AND INANE POP CULTURE MASH-UP… IT TAKE A VADER APPEARANCE IN NIGHT AT THE FUCKING MUSEUM 2.

EVERY BIT OF CLEVERNESS AND JOY HAVE BECOME NOTHING BUT A RECYCLING OR RECYCLING OF RECYCLING. HULK ENJOYED THESE BITS LESS AND LESS FREQUENTLY OVER TIME AND NOW THERE JUST NOTHING THERE. NO REACTION. HULK FIND NOTHING CUTE ABOUT ANY OF IT. HULK SEEN EVERY PARODY IMAGINABLE. IT JUST SEEM SO PAVLOVIAN, SO HOLLOW. LIKE THE SATURATION POINT = LONG SINCE PAST. FAMILIARITY INDEED BREED CONTEMPT… AND STAR WARS NOW BEYOND FAMILIAR. NOT JUST THE PROPERTY, BUT EVERY PERMUTATION, INTERPRETATION, OBSERVATION, AND JOKE.

SO HULK JUST DONE.

THE FEELING NOT NEW. HULK HAVE FRIENDS WHO REACH THAT POINT IN LAST FEW YEARS AND HULK ALWAYS DEFEND IN SOME WAY EVEN THOUGH HULK STARTED FEELING SAME WAY. HULK SAY “YEAH, IT SO TIRED NOW BUT PEOPLE STILL ENJOY IT. NO NEED CRAP ON IT!” HULK ALWAYS TRY TO HUMANIZE AND APPROXIMATE THE STAR WARS EXPERIENCE.

BUT TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPEN.

HULK FIND HULKSELF IN MIDST OF “STAR WARS DAY” … HULK FIND THIS ODD CAUSE HULK NEVER FREAKING HEARD OF IT BEFORE. AT FIRST HULK TRY GET THROUGH IT. HULK SEE A FEW CLEVER WELL-MEANING JOKES ONLINE. BUT ULTIMATELY HULK HAVE TURN OFF TWITTER, WHICH SUDDENLY ALIVE WITH STAR WARS NONSENSE. HULK BASICALLY SHUT OFF INTERNET AND JUST IGNORE WHAT MAKING HULK ANGRY…. REALLY… REALLY ANGRY.

WHEN HULK FINALLY START AFTERNOON WORK ROUTINE AND TURN ON ESPN… THEY ALL THERE… BOBA FETT… STORMTROOPERS… VADER.

HULK SMASHED TV AND HURL IT INTO HORIZON (READ: HULK JUST SWEAR LOUDLY AND SHUT IT OFF).

THIS NOT SOME TEMPERAMENTAL, A.D.D. REACTION. THIS NOT GETTING SICK OF SOMETHING IN SIX SECONDS. THIS NOT THE ENJOY-AND-DISPOSE CULTURE AT WORK. IT YEARS OF BUILDUP. WHAT HULK ONCE FELT STAUNCHLY DUTY-BOUND TO DEFEND, HULK NOW WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH.

STAR WARS ONCE SHINING LIGHT IN HULK’S LIFE. BUT IT GONE SUPERNOVA, EXTINGUISHED INTO NOTHINGNESS, REPLACED BY BLACK HOLE OF CULTURAL NADIR.

NOW IF EXCUSE, HULK GONNA START WATCHING DR. WHO NOW.

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8 Responses to “THANKS UNIVERSE, NOW HULK REPULSED BY STAR WARS”

  1. msabani said

    Thank you Hulk, for so eloquently elaborating on how I also feel about Star Wars now.
    Excelsior!

  2. El Bicho said

    Interesting that it took so long. I enjoyed Star Wars in the theater at 10, got a bunch of figures and vehicles (and took them out of the plastic to play with them, which will surely shock a few), read the Han Solo books, saw the Xmas special on TV, owned soundtrack and storybook albums, but at 17 was turned off by the Ewoks and moved onto other things. Yes, I thought there were good PC games in the ’90s

    I get kids liking Star Wars and all it has to offer but don’t understand adults obsessed with the SW universe when there’s so much else out there that is so much better.

  3. Joe G said

    I love the first two movies (original trilogy of course). Never been too into Star Wars fandom of any kind, and I haven’t lived long enough to be overwhelmed by the amount of content out there. I just never really identified with anything beyond those two movies.

    But I love me the shit out of some Doctor Who. Oh man yes I do.

  4. Andy said

    Thank-you, once again Hulk, for your clear sighted and angry thoughts. Oh, to once again have Star Wars be… magic.

  5. Alaska Boy said

    I felt the same way about Star Wars–until I had kids. There’s just something about seeing the little tykes enjoying the Star Wars universe so thoroughly. It puts the magic back in, even though I still ostensibly hold the exact same opinions as before I was married. Now even my loathing of the prequals has receded enough for me to buy a copy…and watch it with my boys without having to point out every horrible flaw. It’s really kind of amazing to me. Anyway, when you and Betty or She-Hulk get serious someday, I hope you give it another shot. Seeing it through the eyes of a child is a redeeming experience! (Same for Christmas…)

  6. Jac said

    I think Hulk just need long break from Star Wars. Pay no attention to star wars for a couple years. Then go back watch originals. Yes the prequels should have been done by someone else and yes there are terrible flaws with them but I think Hulk shouldn’t completely write off Star Wars.. just ignore it for a couple years. Come back and enjoy the originals then. Ignore all the rest of the SH*T. (Although on another note it is really disappointing what happened with Lucasarts. They had such a great track record right up until x-wing vs tie fighter. After that the only good game they put out was the final x-wing game and even that one needed to be ended better. What happened? They were so great and then… like a rock they feel.)

  7. [...] THANKS UNIVERSE, HULK NOW REPULSED BY STAR WARS [...]

  8. ooh said

    I still think there are good points to ‘Revenge of the Sith’ – mostly in the implications and behind-the-story ideas but there’s definitely something *there*. The water-ballet scene is horrific and beautiful and pitiable, even with the weak dialogue. They were so lucky to cast Ian McDiarmid in the 80s and have him remain a charming silver-haired quiet-voiced gent twenty years later. His seduction of Anakin is a brilliant notion and I liked the slight hint of unearthly horror. Because it is heavily implied that either he or his master created ‘life’ from nothing and that life is sitting next to him. Not so much a clumsy Jesus metaphor, as it seemed in the first film when his dusty mother said she was a virgin, but a retelling of ‘Frankenstein’, where the superhuman creature is made by some unspeakable process in a lab. (I mean, the Holy Boy who will save them all later only has three grandparents. Creepy)

    This then implies that the poor, maddened, over-strong creature almost had no chance to grow up normal – and it is almost but not-quite stated that the Jedi didn’t have a clue what to do with him or how to raise him either. (If only Lucas had the courage to really follow through with that part of the equation).
    The other interesting thing about the film is the poor tired clones reluctantly following orders – if it’s programmed into them to kill Jedi, is it really their fault? And how would it affect them later? Also the second-last scene of the film shows a lovely woodland planet with a waterfall… and a moment’s thought reminds you that it’ll be exploded on a whim in less than twenty years.

    There is masses and masses wrong with the prequels (the way Obi leaves his former friend to slowly burn to death is about the worst of them), but in the spirit of ‘there are no bad movies’, I just wanted to remember the tiny good sparks. This hasn’t really got any actual link to your piece, so sorry about that. I just wanted to vent and here seemed good.

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